As a person of absolutely no color who embodies an intersectional reality that includes my utter lack of genderfluidity and my unemployment-questioning, differently-veteraned, and non-pagan experiences, I am totally oppressed by progressivism’s hegemonic power structure. I am also the victim of a systemic system of hostile paradigms that denies my truth regarding my phallo-possessory identity.
My struggle is real, and my male-identifying genitalia will no longer be silent!
I bear a heavy burden in the form of my pasty, easily-sunburned skin. For too long, the fact that a previous Schlichter was booted out of Stuttgart in 1750 has meant that I have been subject to the hateful discourse of unabashed Fritzophobes. And that’s when society hasn’t stolen my Teutonic legacy outright. You are culturally appropriating my cold, emotionless people’s heritage every time you are punctual and efficient.
The same is true regarding my Scot ancestry. You shamelessly pillage the cultural treasures of the folk of the moors whenever you speak unintelligibly, or refuse to spend freely and without restraint. Enough of your condescending Braveheartism.
My kilt, my choice.
Even in my own home, I am oppressed. I live under a tyrannical framework of Cubano-supremacy. I am constantly reminded of my minority status as the only non-Latino in the family whenever I am prepared to leave on time while everyone else is still getting ready, whenever I am belittled for my love of mayonnaise, and whenever I am forbidden to dance in public.
“Intersectionality” means that I have lots of complaints about various stuff that I am, and I’m just getting started.
For instance, I am seen as enjobbed, in that I have a job and support my family. This hateful label marginalizes me and subjugates me to the stereotyped role of “provider” and “useful member of society.” It cruelly differentiates me from preferred progressive social actors, like “bums” and “welfare cheats.” The progressive paradigm is, after all, based upon compelling non-Democrat bodies to toil to generate tax revenue for the government to give to freeloaders.
My veteranness also makes me a target for othering. My soul roils from the conscious and unconscious prejudice poured upon me every time someone asks me if I was drafted, or if the Army is the one with Marines. Why don’t you just burn a hammer and sickle in front of my quarters, you monsters?
And no, I don’t have PTSD. I’m just really annoyed by you.
I am also victimized for my unpaganhood, and I am constantly pressured to conform and accept weird weather religions and the theological musings of internet hipsters who think the idea of Christian grace is some sort of supernatural point system where you get into heaven for accomplishing a set number of good deeds. I reject these attempts to subjugate me to the dominant discourse, just as I reject the liberal Jesusplaining that seeks to steal my savior and turn him into some sort of socialist hippie, a Bernie Sanders in a robe who thinks the only sin is generating too big of a carbon footprint.
And then there is the systemic hate for my rigidly male monosexual identification and my pronounced pro-chick agenda. Too often those of you who are genderfluid deny the identity of those of us who are gendersolid.
Finally, it is time to reject society’s paradigm of unphallused privilege. This bias results in interlocking systems of domination that produce the conditions under which oppressed peoples like me are forced to live, and usually manifests in me getting called whenever someone needs help lifting something heavy.
Those of us who wield a penis demand that you cease your dehumanizing unmale gaze and validate the manly values that stand firm against your anti-testicular hegemony.
We male-identifying men proudly shout out these radical truths:
Boys don’t cry, and it is lame to shed a tear in public, except on Memorial Day or when a dog dies.
Feelings are stupid, except for patriotism and a love of dogs.
Guns are awesome because they shoot solid lead freedom. Every man should have several guns. And several dogs, because a man with a cat is a woman.
Also, no man should ever listen to Maroon 5. Nor should anyone else. Including dogs.
We will no longer be man-junk marginalized. From this moment forth, my people’s pronouns are “he,” “him” and “if you touch my stuff, I’ll slug you.”
Your hate speech against us, which is defined as anything you say that we don’t like, must be banned, starting on campuses.
As fellow social justice warriors have observed, “Free speech, a right many freedom movements have fought for, has recently become a tool appropriated by hegemonic institutions. It has not just empowered students from marginalized backgrounds to voice their qualms and criticize aspects of the institution, but it has given those who seek to perpetuate systems of domination a platform to project their bigotry.”
Right on! I mean, how could normalizing limitations on free speech ever backfire? You social justice warriors surely shouldn’t worry about this kind of thinking being expressed by people who don’t like you and who have a lot of guns.
Our initial non-negotiable demand is for a safe space for all German/Scot-Employed-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health on every college campus, as well as a Department of German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health Studies to explore the issues regarding, and the terrible social stigma and prejudice faced by, us German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health. We further demand a curriculum that teaches using unique German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health pedagogic strategies, like “reading” and “studying.” It must also educate us about suppressed German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health truths, like about how the Chinese stole the idea for the Great Wall from Deutschland’sautobahns, and how Steve McQueen is a million times cooler than Ryan Reynolds will ever be.
That is our intersectional reality; that is our cry for revolution. We refuse to allow the forces of social injustice to continue to deny our existence, and our suits, clean shaves, and combed hair shall be the transgressive body modifications that demonstrate our alienation from the dominant paradigm.
No longer will we allow our pallor to render us invisible!
No longer will we tolerate being left out of the acronym LGBTQ!
No longer will we be scrotum-shamed!
That was awesome. This is how the concept of "reducto ad absurdum" works and if you take the lefts stupid complaints and how you have to treat each and every supposed sector of their "community", it turns out like this, especially when we all know they would never reciprocate for us white, European conqueror, heterosexual males (and females, too, given the correct circumstances). Too funny, but too sad, all at the same time.
"This is how the concept of "reducto ad absurdum" works"
Except that nothing Schlichter wrote was so far-fetched as to be absurd, given the speed and direction of today's progressives.
I have a little tale. I no longer make comments on Leftie sites. I used to, and if I mentioned I was an evangelical, it would trigger responses giving me the whole litany of deplorable stuff (and so much more!) that I was sure to be. I mentioned this fact on a conservative site like this, and immediately got a response telling me why it was totally justified (at first I thought it was satire, but I checked their comment history - clearly a progressive).
Suffice it to say, this is how progressives think and they (most of them, anyway) do not think they are being hateful at all - just "honest."
I am a Jew that is not a liberal and it is good I make my home in Israel for if I was still living in the states, my fellow Jews who are liberal would throw me out and that includes family but then again, if i still lived in the USA I would likely still be a liberal.
I've been healed from the sickness of being a liberal.
By the way a majority of American Jews now living in Israel have in the last 5 elections voted for the Republican candidates. In the Israeli english newspapers the papers themselves are liberal and most articles against Trump and Bush, the reader's response is a majority calling the newspapers articles the put it mildly, way off course and also the newspapers in Hebrew which are liberal are called out for it too.
I used to be a liberal myself. Perhaps for me, growing up in a university town was sort of like you growing up in the Jewish community in the USA. If interested, I have a blog post on How I Became a Conservative (
http://www.unshackledaction... ). The short version is: Milton Friedman.
Donsaliman,
About 30% of Jews in the USA are conservative and some of the leading voices in the conservative moment are Jews. A large majority of orthodox jews support conservative causes. Yes, many Jews have substituted liberalism for judaism and sadly even Israel no longer has a deep place in their hearts. In place of real eternal values, they have put the slop rhetoric that is being parodied so well above.
As a Rabbi once said, even an intelligent person can not believe in our Creator. That is why belief in G-d is considered the first of all 613 Mitzvot. The intellect alone even with logic dragging along can lead pretty much anywhere the heart desires, even to the obvious nonsense of liberal beliefs so halariously mocked in this article.
steven green
i think you might be confusing conservative with neocon/establishment.
ampatgrl
okay, neocon whatever that means in your mind. and establishment as if anyone can really escape being somewhat a part of it.
i think of myself as a conservative along the lines of Mark Levin (Jewish) but neither Levin or any single person represents my ideal "conservative"
if you find the perfect conservative, let us all know
neocon/establishment means money grubber. for personal gain. in the power racket. and not to do good for one's country, but for oneself. that is what it means in my mind.
So you have no actual definition that can withstand detached and unemotional evaluation?
Or do you also consider George Soros to be a "neocon/establishment" person? What about Hillary Clinton? Clearly she was totally establishment -- and a "money grubber" too -- witness her Wall Street paydays. But why then do you apply an obviously incorrect label such as "neocon" to this category of people? In fact, why do you label them at all? Isn't that the very foundation of bigotry -- oversimplifying by seeking to lump unique individuals into a single homogeneous mass that you can then hate without feeling guilty?
yes. all money grubbers. and IF i hate, i feel no guilt for it. but i don't hate. i am a realist. your pop psychology and tortured questions don't change the fact that jew "conservatives" are neocons and establishment.
Ah, so you're just another anti-semitic Stormtrooper wannabe. Got it. Which explains completely why you are as "h8ful" as you are -- no one else is as good as you, or deserves to be in charge as much as you, amiright? You must be a failed chicken farmer.
(P.S. Soros may be a Jew (though if so, why he helped the Nazis murder his co-religionists in Hungary during World War II remains a mystery), but he's no more a "conservative" than Obama is.)
stormtrooper? what are you babbling on about? and i mean if you keep calling me hateful and anti-whatever, i mean, i just might cry and never stop. you crack me up. anti-semite. homophobe. racist. none of those labels have meaning any more. they are words tossed around by children and lunatics. now go to the deli and get yourself a snack and calm down, little one.
ampatgrl,
so glad my question got you to come out of the closet. must feel empowered to be free of labels like neocon and just come out and say it - you don't like jews.
some study of history, some gratitude for your religious heritage might force an intelligent idea through your clogged head
wow, green is a jewish name. never knew that. learn something jew everyday! and what i find cute is that if someone doesn't kiss the bejeweled shoes of jews, then they are OMG! haters. if all jews are full of themselves like YOU ARE, then i can see why people do hate. i don't hate. i just don't give one nano speck. i am ambivalent to the jews and their constant plights that somehow keep on plaguing the American people. America. a Christian nation.
I agree with the Maroon 5 comment. But you have to admit the humor is a lot easier to appreciate when your a white Christian whose parents could drink at whatever water fountain they wanted to.
So, Slim, what's your reparations price today?
I love being lectured on 50 year-old bigotry. If you're younger that 56 chances are you've only seen a "whites-only" water fountain in books and museums. I was unable to meet many of my relatives, as they died in concentration camps, but I don't use it as an excuse to whiz on my wife's Porsche.
They couldn't drink from the "colored" ones. I know, I was there.
Then those parents would recognize just how far we've come since then.
True, America has come a long way.
Right on. As a pasty white and totally sunburnable straight woman who does not hate men and a Navy veteran, plus a registered R since I was 21 and living in Boston, I win the crown of thorns for being totally despised among my peeps.
Also straight white paleface of the Celtic persuasion. I don't hate men and I am a Christian so I cannot, should I ever want to, belong to the "feminist" movement. I stopped thinking they had anything to offer many years ago when they wanted us to burn our bras.
Also, thank you Vet for your service.
12 year military veteran here.....who is white married to a WHOA! Black man, and happy to claim my spouse and I ARE Republicans!!! Who denounce any Liberal within 100 feet of us! But, yes, WE have been bashed, battered, profaned at, called every name imaginable, and YES, We are STILL conservatives and proud of it!! ....I THOUGHT freedom of Speech, yeah it's IN the Constitution, meant that ALL peoples could speak on their beliefs......WHAT Happened at Colleges in the United States?!?????!????
You must agree with the liberals on campus to have free speech acknowledged there.
No one burned their bras. It was a fictitious story started by the media to have a female equivalent to the guys burning their draft cards. The famous pic of "Bra burning" were just women tossing their bras in a trash can. (I believe that after the photographer left they fished them out...bras are expensive.
Nice reply Shipmate, Bravo Zulu
I grew up around "artists". They still wonder what led me to the "Dark Side".
Good job! You must be doing something right.
If you ever get tired of life behind enemy lines, gals like you are highly welcome in Louisiana! People will look at you funny when you talk, but just tell 'em you're Irish and you'll melt their Anglo-Saxon-Celtic-Gaelic hearts. Probably will find out you're cousins.
Do you hunt or fish? Like real college football on Saturday night? Enjoy a refreshing daiquiri take-out? How about gumbo or jambalaya?
Anyway, as a Navy vet and a lady who is proud to be a lady, you'll be appreciated, so come on down!
Kurt this is a call to action, the beginning of a movement. The plight of the melanin challenged, phallus burdened people of European descent has been ignored for far too long. Its time we walk from the shadows into the light and demand equality while violently protesting any speech or messenger that contradicts our viewpoint (although I refuse to wear a genitalia hat). This testosterone shaming has got to stop.
"I refuse to wear a genitalia hat." But I would love to see the male version of the pussyhat! (Especially if we could get someone like Perez or Ellison to wear it.)
We could market "DikHeds" ;)
Perez would probably say, "This goes on my Head?"
Actually I think there are penis caps. I remember them from Halloween.
Those were Michelle Obama masks.
Limpness in certain areas would obstruct the vision of the wearer.
Well done!
Descendant of white, Europeans here. My father's family, which traces its arrival in the U.S. to the late 1700s, seemed to assimilate into American culture. We don't celebrate our Welsh-Irish heritage. My mother's family arrived in the early 1900s from central Europe. Again, no celebration of Austro-Hungarian heritage. Not too many generations before arrival in the U.S., both parents' families were basically servants living under the shadow of a landowner or member of the aristocracy. I can't imagine the hard life they must have had in conditions with no plumbing, no electricity, no internet (LOL), having to rely on what you could grow for sustenance.
I think that people simply do not realize that conditions in Europe for MOST of our descendants were not a bowl of cherries. People were enslaved or beholden to the lord of the manor or some such thing. All that is forgotten and those former down-trodden have moved on, have build lives, many successful, either in Europe or here in the New World.
All of this white privilege stuff is nonsense. All of this victimhood stuff if a pile of stinking manure. People need to get over it and get on with making something of themselves. Take personal responsibility first and foremost.
Thanks for the laughs, Kurt! That was great. Mocking the left by using their own crazy language--good times!! This column reminded me of a book I have from the 90's, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, that I hadn't read in years. So I pulled that out and laughed through politically correct versions of Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks, etc. I think you were even funnier, though! It's been over 20 years since it was written. I wish you'd do an updated version--it'd be even funnier now with all of the genderfluid, etc. type situations you could create.
Great article. However, my wife did point out something about "a man with a cat is a woman" (my favorite statement), she said, rightly, that men do spend a good deal of time looking for pu$$y.
If you're a faithful husband like myself - oh sorry, I mean: if you're phalled-shamed and relations-limited and thus polygamic-challenged like myslef, you know the oppression of being subject by the powerful majoritarian genitalia on earth to only enjoy one for the rest of your life. About those who are not polygamic-challenged, tought, the author is spot-on.
OMG that first paragraph is EPIC!
lol, great stuff...."And then there is the systemic hate for my rigidly male monosexual identification and my pronounced pro-chick agenda."
Pretty funny. Two thumbs up.
A very enjoyable look at the Left's stupidity. Thanks, it is about time someone shot back
I felt like a woman for about 2 seconds today.
Okay, where's my check?
White Males. Building productive, efficient democratic societies for the last three thousand years. Own it.
This woman LOVES her productive...and protective...white, all-male hubby!!
Thank you, real-men everywhere, for willingly doing the difficult, disgusting and dirty jobs around the house for your spouse and children. You are greatly appreciated!
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