Gary Varvel: God's design for marriage

Part 6 of my marriage essays plus links to parts 1-5. Paid subscribers: Time lapse videos and Humor Me winners

GARY VARVEL

OCT 11

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THE GOAL OF MARRIAGE

“For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” - Ephesians 5:30-33.

A married couple was in counseling when the wife said, “The Bible tells husbands to love their wives, but there are no verses telling me that I have to love my husband.”

“You’re wrong,” said the Pastor, “Jesus said, ‘Love your enemies.’”

Sadly, too many marriages end in divorce because they don’t understand God’s design for marriage. Here’s the great mystery: When God instituted marriage in Genesis 2:24, He patterned it after Jesus Christ’s future covenant with His church in Ephesians 5. Why? To reveal God’s glory to the world.

Imagine a mountain lake that is so still that it reflects the image of the mountain and sky. Can you see it? Men, your marriage to your wife should be so peaceful that you reflect your relationship with God. When other people see you and your wife, they should be able to see the love, joy and peace of God.

Now, imagine what happens to the reflection of that mountain in the water if you threw a rock into the lake? The ripples would distort the image. Right?

Sin is just like that rock. When we allow selfishness, strife, arguing, fussing and fighting into our marriage, the only thing the world can see are the waves that distort image of what God intended for marriage.

The verse above reminds us that husbands are to love their wives which is her greatest desire. And wives are to respect their husbands which is his greatest desire. Sure, men want to be loved too but every man desires respect. No man wants to see himself as the dim-witted character played by Ray Romano in Everybody Loves Raymond. What may be hilarious on TV is not funny in real life.

God designed men to be masculine which prompts him to be the provider and protector of his wife. While men tend to derive their self-esteem from their work, every man hopes to be seen has a hero by his wife.

A man who doesn’t feel respected by his wife can become distant, unloving or as obnoxious as the late comedian, Rodney Dangerfield who used to joke, “I can’t get no respect.”

But listen, mister, you can’t control your wife’s actions. You can only control your own. So don’t let your feelings cause you to sin. Instead love your wife as Christ loved the church. Remember the goal of marriage is to be a reflection of God’s love.