Disagreeing with Your Church Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Belong
Why wrestling with theology doesn’t make you a bad Christian and how to do it well.
If you’ve spent more than 30 minutes in church, you’ve probably noticed Christians don’t agree on everything. From worship styles to ministry formats to whether coffee belongs in the sanctuary (spoiler: it does), we’ve all run into moments of “Wait, do we really believe that?”
But the real tension surfaces when the disagreements get theological. What do we do when something the church teaches doesn’t sit right? Are we allowed to question it? Should we leave? Does that make us rebellious?
Take a breath. You’re not alone. And no, you’re not a bad Christian.
Here’s what to keep in mind.
1. Start with Scripture, Not Your Feelings
First things first: the Christian faith isn’t afraid of hard questions. In fact, it encourages them. “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God” (1 John 4:1). That means even if the teaching comes from someone with a theology degree and a passionate sermon voice, you’re still called to measure it against Scripture.
Just make sure you’re reading the Bible, not just recalling verses you heard in passing or on TikTok. Your instincts might be right but God’s Word should always be your guide.
2. Ask: Is It Them Or Is It Me?
Sometimes you’re uneasy about a teaching because it’s genuinely unbiblical. Other times, it might just be stepping on your toes in a good way.
Before assuming the church is off-base, ask: “Am I uncomfortable because this is wrong, or because it’s convictingly true?” That’s not a trap it’s a moment for humility. A red flag might be waving, or it might just be the Spirit doing His job.
As Jonathan Malm, author of The Hidden Option, puts it: “Disagreement should push you to search more. If it causes you to get red-faced and combative, you’re doing it wrong.”
3. Disagreement Can Grow Your Faith
Yes, really. Not seeing eye-to-eye doesn’t have to mean walking away. Sometimes, staying planted in a church where you differ on some points can actually mature your faith. It forces you to think more deeply. To listen better. To hold tension without bitterness.
Malm spent years in a church where he disagreed with a core teaching and it didn’t drive him away. It broadened his view of God’s grace. “It showed us a unique perspective on God,” he says. “We got a bigger picture of how amazing grace actually is.”
Disagreement doesn’t always shrink your faith. Sometimes it stretches it.
4. If You Speak Up, Start With Love
Let’s say the issue really matters enough that you feel led to bring it up. Good. But don’t go in like a theological wrecking ball. Scripture reminds us “Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).
If your pastor is someone who loves God, honors Scripture, and displays the fruit of the Spirit, then they’re likely open to a humble, respectful conversation. If not, you may be dealing with deeper problems than doctrinal nuance.
But even then, the goal isn’t to win an argument. The goal is to protect and build up the body. So check your motives before you challenge the message.
5. Know the Difference Between Essentials and Everything Else
Here’s where many debates go sideways. Not every disagreement is heresy. There’s a difference between false teaching and differing interpretations. There are theological hills to die on and then there are theological coffee tables to sit around and discuss.
Salvation by grace alone? Essential. Views on the end times? Probably not.
As Malm says “Though we didn’t see eye-to-eye on theology, we were arm-in-arm as fellow believers.” That’s what we’re called to unity, not uniformity.
You don’t have to agree with your pastor on everything. But if the gospel is intact and the Spirit is present, you might just be right where you’re supposed to be.
You’re Not a Bad Christian for Wrestling
You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to be unsure. You’re even allowed to stay in a church where you don’t agree on every line of the statement of faith.
Wrestling with theology doesn’t make you a bad Christian. It might just make you a thoughtful one. As long as the essentials are firm and the gospel is clear, disagreement doesn’t have to lead to division.
So bring your Bible. Bring your questions. And bring your heart to the table humbly, prayerfully, and open to the Spirit’s leading.
Know someone quietly wrestling with their church’s teachings? Share this article or subscribe to our newsletter for more honest, Scripture-rooted reflections.
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