Many marriages have been shaken to its core over the last four years. Families and friendships have been deeply divided or broken during this election cycle because of the inability to tolerate any disparate views.

What are ways we can bridge the seemingly unbridgeable chasm that exists between irreconcilable political views?

I had to learn these strategies in my own personal life as a result of the desire to preserve the relationship between two of my closest friends, a couple who are neighbors here in Miami Beach. Their views on most things politically are diametrically opposite to mine, but over the years, we have managed to maintain our relationship with dignity and mutual respect. We made a conscious decision that being right about things, or to impose our views on each other, was far less important than maintaining the warmth and integrity of our relationship. So, how did we do this?

It's critical to recognize the need to prioritize the relationship itself above all. Important relationships should not be put on the chopping block because of politics - period. No matter how passionately we feel about the virtue of our positions and how insane we feel those of people on the “other side” are, it is the relationship that matters the most.

Keeping peace amongst friends is a quintessential value of Judaism.

Keeping peace amongst friends is a quintessential value of Judaism. We must do whatever it is within our power to make sure that our most important relationships are kept intact and not affected by political differences.

How can we accomplish this? First, find some common ground. No matter how diametrically opposite you may feel the other person’s views are, there will always be at least one thing that you can agree on. That is, if you choose to focus on the commonality, as opposed to all the reasons why you think the other person is dead wrong. This will require some creativity and not a small measure of humility, in order to recognize that there are some places where you can comfortably meet in the middle.

Second, try not to be so black and white in your thinking. When we are emotionally charged, the right hemisphere of our brains become very activated, especially in the area of the limbic system, the emotional center of the brain. When this area of the brain becomes highly activated, most of the neurological energy in the nervous system rushes to the right brain in order to maintain the intensity of its activation. Unfortunately, in the process, the left hemisphere, the processing center of the brain, which is the source of logic, reasoning, and perspective, becomes inactivated, and essentially shuts down. The result of this dynamic is that we can’t process the complexities of situations that are too emotionally charged for us, and we can only see the black and white, the right and wrong, as opposed to the gray areas in the middle. This is often where common ground can be found, and where both sides can agree that the situation is probably more complex than once thought.

Another aspect of bridging the gap is finding ways to acknowledge or validate the other person’s perspective or point of view, showing some degree of respect for a position different than yours. Besides being a generally effective conflict resolution strategy, it can also defuse the intensity of the disagreement, by showing that you can hear the other person, without having to agree to each point made. Just because you validate someone else’s opinions does not mean that you capitulate, or admit that you are wrong. It just communicates to the other person that s/he has been heard, which alone can often neutralize the velocity of a disagreement, and can even strengthen the relationship. Everyone has the need to feel heard, especially in a situation so intensely emotional such as the political situation and the future of our country.

In some cases, agreeing to avoid discussing sensitive or hotly debated topics altogether, in order to preserve the dignity and the stability of the relationship, may be the best solution. Relationships that may be more fragile or at risk may require this approach in order to ensure their survival. Sometimes, it’s just not worth the argument, especially if you know that it could lead to harsh feelings or the ending of a relationship that is important to you.

Having the ability to seeing something from another person’s perspective is a valuable tool in strengthening relationships in general, especially in a situation as volatile as this.

Finally, and perhaps most challenging, is to work on broadening your perspective in order to incorporate other points of view. Rigidity and inflexibility in thought or opinions is rarely effective in relationships. Having the ability to see something from another person’s perspective is a valuable tool in strengthening relationships in general, especially in a situation as volatile as this. I often try in my own relationships and when guiding patients in conflict, to force oneself to see things multidimensionally, and to realize that complex issues and situations are often multifaceted and rarely unidimensional. By doing so, you actually improve your own cognitive flexibility, which can only lead to you being more effective in all of your relationships.

As things in our country progress in the coming months, there will be a growing need for us to come together as a nation. We have had dangerous, even violent, divisions that have stoked internecine conflicts and hatred amongst our fellow countrymen. We have to rise above the fray and hold back from continuing to perpetuate the deep divisiveness of the past few years and whether or not we like the outcome of this election, to come together as Americans, and as Jews, for the common purpose of peace, unity, and harmony.