Meaning, compassion and kindness define a Jew’s innate nature. It is intrinsic in every Jewish parent’s nature to be concerned for their child’s well-being; especially after the parent’s death. How is it possible that there is no mitzvah to leave your child an inheritance or to provide for them past the age of six?!? There is an incredible message here – and it is one of the most critical principles to apply when raising children. Children are born as extremely selfish and self-absorbed beings – the only thing of which they are acutely aware is their personal discomfort, so they cry and scream until they get someone to come and address their needs. Unfortunately, many parents never compel their children to mature past this initial stage of development. Perhaps the greatest danger facing the children of this generation is that they are being raised within an epidemic of societal entitlement. Parents have bought into the societal lie that they have to give their children the best of everything. This soul corroding way of raising one’s children created a generation that feels that they are OWED a job, that it is the government’s job to provide them with food and shelter, and that they are entitled to reparations for things that happened to their ancestors. Anything and everything unpleasant that happens to them is someone else’s fault. If they are clumsy or aren’t paying attention and they trip and fall they naturally look to blame someone else and, of course, contrive some emotional impairment in order to sue for damages. They constantly look for shortcuts to fulfill all their indulgences and self-sacrifice for a greater good (even their own future good) is rarely part of the equation. There is no sense of earning, or at least justifying, one’s existence. There are simply expectations: a car for high school graduation, college tuition, moving back home after college rent-free, parental contribution to monthly expenses after marriage, etc. Unfortunately, parents often buy into this nonsense and foolishly comply – even if it means that they have to push off their own retirement plans. It is here that the absolute brilliance and wisdom of Jewish law (and custom) is apparent. Of course a father is going to provide for his children even after the age of six – after all, kindness and compassion are part of the Jewish DNA. But we have to convey to children at a very early age that their parent doesn’t owe them that sustenance. Children need to know, at a young age, that they must justify their existence – they aren’t entitled to anything. This starts by teaching our children responsibility – that they are part of a close-knit family, one that has a nuclear bond. Part of that bond entails responsibility to one another and everyone must contribute to the greater whole in whatever way they are able. Obviously these responsibilities should be age appropriate, but when it comes to certain basic elements of a household – such as setting/clearing the table, caring for pets, taking out the trash, etc. – the roles should be assigned (if not, everyone will expect someone else to do it). The assignments teach valuable lessons in expectations, accountability, and doing for others, thus breaking those intrinsic self-centered habits. Next, we must teach our children the real value and purpose of money: to get us what we need, not what we want. When we raise responsible kids, they grow up to become responsible adults. Responsible adults understand that money has a specific purpose and that it’s not to be wasted on temporal indulgences. We must model behavior that communicates that every decision has a cost/benefit component to it. It’s okay to occasionally indulge as long as we are aware of the cost that will likely impact another area. Children need to see these decisions and weigh the options. They made $5 washing the car; do they spend it on ice cream now or save it for a toy later? Don’t fall for the lie that you are being a good parent by making sure you give your children everything – you are being a good parent by giving them an opportunity to earn the best of everything. Our children have to learn that when you take responsibility and work for something then you have a greater appreciation for it. More importantly, you begin to recognize and value your ability to take care of yourself. Your children’s success in this area will build their self-esteem. They will recognize their ability to be independent, and they will grow into confident, well-adjusted, and emotionally secure adults. The Torah is sending a profound message to our children: Your parents do not owe you – whatever they do for you is not out of obligation but rather out of love. Once a child begins to internalize his parents’ motivation for providing support it will strengthen his appreciation for them and deepen his bond with them. Of course, developing excellence of character is an arduous and lifelong journey, but this is how it begins. | 
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