It is an honor to have you as a member of our subscription service! Share today. #19 My Heart Undressed | Scrambled AgainJANE PHINNEY: It is a tough Truth to embrace during inexpressibly hard times, when shocking news sucks your breath away & your chest hurts so much it feels like it’s going to explode.
I CAN’T SCRAMBLE EGGS (Part 2)Listen to the podcast version: Brought to you by Grace Life International. In my previous writing, I referenced life events that God has allowed, or used, to “school” me in my identity in Christ. If you’re honest, there’s likely more than one thing on that list that you can relate to: hardship, loss, disappointment, rejection, emotional pain, & physical suffering. These experiences show no partiality. They aren’t respecters of wealth, status or abilities. Seemingly bad things happen to people all the time. Either you believe that God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love Him, or you don’t. (Romans 8:28) I’d like to clarify that the purpose of my sharing is not to prompt you to compare your circumstances with someone else. Please, don’t go there! Judging based on what we observe externally, is not an accurate assessment of another’s pain. In this regard, comparison is a useless endeavor in our search for answers, comfort & peace. It’s an automatic flesh reflex… a distraction, that can blind us from receiving a specific truth that God wants to teach us about ourselves. He alone knows us inside out, with an intimacy that is humanly impossible. He is tuned in to hidden motives & desires.He sees our past, present, & future…all in one sweeping glance. Who else is wise enough, or powerful enough, to have answers for you in your darkest places of pain? Who else is a safe place for your messy, confused brokenness? Only our heavenly Father, made accessible to us through Jesus Christ. (Hebrews 4:14-16) A former pastor once said that if God causes all things to work for good in the lives of His children, then there aren’t any “bad” things—as far as God’s loving purposes for us. I agree. However, hearing it & living it are two completely different things! It is a tough Truth to embrace during inexpressibly hard times, when shocking news sucks your breath away & your chest hurts so much it feels like it’s going to explode. God has used specifically designed circumstances & situations, to dispel my preconceived notions of relationship with Him, to discern what really matters, & to shatter a false dependence on myself & on other people. My views are just that…mine…based on my life. We all can site different experiences, but we still need to learn the same spiritual lessons—in the long run. In a quick review of my life, I can easily pick out my top 3 “teaching tools.” It isn’t possible, or necessary, to replay every detail to share the lessons. Hands down, I’d choose hardship, loss, & suffering as the sources of my greatest trials. Ironically, these tools were also the springboards to my most life-changing growth. Except for 5 years, we’ve lived our 48 years of married life working for nonprofits & raising a support-based salary. We’ve often been criticized, misunderstood & rejected. At the same time, others lifted us up to an unrealistic, & dangerous, pedestal of faith. It appeared, to them, that we had a worry-free “in” with God when it came to money. That attitude has always irked me! Because whether a business/corporation guarantees your paycheck, or you are supporter-funded, GOD IS YOUR PROVIDER! No one should be patting themselves on the back. Our situation is different from the perceived norm in that we never know the amount of our monthly paycheck. Our assessment of needs versus wants is clearly prioritized without question. This doesn’t make us anymore, or any less, spiritual than other folks. But thank God! It keeps our focus where it should be…on Him.Honoring Him financially encompasses staying debt-free to the best of our ability & faithfully giving, in a variety of ways, as He directs. He is faithful despite our human doubts as to His timing. (Oh-h the stories I could tell!) Many times, the HARD part is being tempted to define success by money & standards of the world. Then I remember my Lord Jesus who didn’t have a place to lay His head. (Luke 9:58) Our external dependency is a visual reminder of the spiritual dependency we are supposed to have on Jesus Christ. I am grateful that those lessons have never failed & they never disappoint. Life is never boring, that’s for sure! All that said, it is a fact that I still need to be on guard with my attitude toward money. You don’t have to have an abundance to be tempted to love it…a sure recipe for a spiritual disaster of the heart. Clearly stated, loving it is the root of all sorts of evil. (I Timothy 6:10) Secondly, relational losses are viewed as a normal part of life. We lose people that we love through death, through relocation, and sometimes through unexpected betrayal. As I grow older, I see change less & less favorably. Too much, too fast is emotionally taxing. I’ve always been a people - person. Give me good conversation in a relaxed atmosphere, preferably with a cup of coffee…some of my best memories, ever! Besides, texting & emails don’t hug back! Over my lifetime, I’ve unexpectedly lost many immediate family members to death, & a few folks who were “like family.” We made a life-changing move away from longtime friends. Our married daughters & grands moved on to supposedly “greener” pastures. The passing of years feels like a BLINK! “How did I get here so fast anyway? It was only yesterday that……” I don’t believe that time heals all wounds. When you love someone who’s a part of life as you know it, and they die, you only miss them more. And when you love someone, & have invested in them, & they leave—the memories don’t stop. I think the worst feeling is betrayal…in any relationship…but especially when it’s someone who adamantly professed loyalty. That kind of living death is worse than physical death in some ways. It leaves your heart feeling torn & discarded. Spiritually, in my loss scenarios, I acknowledged, mentally, that God had a purpose & plan. Though I didn’t like it at the time, I had no real control over any of it. Death always affects you…somehow. Any decision we make affects someone else. Sad things hurt. Even good things can hurt. But death causes superficial things to fade into the background, & what really matters comes front and center. In the quiet places of my soul, to honestly work out all these feelings & emotions of loss, with my heavenly Father, was very painful. It took me some time to get past it in each scenario. Some things will always be alive in my mind. The love then, or lack of it, is part of the pain now. But He knows it all. And He continues to sift my soul to show me a greater depth in my daily love life with Jesus Christ. I need Him desperately to make sense out of relational changes. Thirdly, the good Lord allowed some physical challenges, some suffering—for lack of a better word. There is an inner, silent suffering to ongoing pain that no one sees. It can leave you feeling isolated, even in a crowd. No one sees inside but the Lord. Though active & hardworking most of my life, my body took a hit at 26 years old & has never been the same since. An exercise injury affecting my back simmered over the years, unknowingly colliding with a congenital arthritic hip issue. As a young mom, hurting was a way of life. This affected my gait, stamina & ability to participate, fully, in some family activities. Finally, at 48, I became the youngest double hip replacement recipient in AZ…at that time anyway. With both hips done in 8 weeks, I had a new lease on life. It was amazing to wake up without pain after the first surgery. And to stand up straight was a huge bonus! I’ve had other surgeries along the way. But the process of normal aging still seemed doable… until drop foot changed my life, permanently, in 2013. Some of you might know about my breast cancer journey in 2017. This is NOT a “woe is me” roll call. It is my testimony of how God used my physical body to show me my need for Christ’s life—to survive every day. He created me. I belong to Him. I won’t be cocky & say there won’t be other physical issues in the future. Cancer provided a very heavy dose of my mortality. But no human thwarts God’s purposes. My good news is--though my body has changed/decayed over the years, God has not! The real me is not my body & I will always be a new in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17) Once again, the physical aspect of life has been, & continues to be, a very practical picture of “I can’t scramble eggs without Jesus.” One nerve benched me, so to speak, for life, barring the healing touch of God. My body challenges have given me an ongoing soul hunger for the Truth. Externally, God has given me a compassionate awareness of hurting people who are left out, or are exhausted, because of their physical limitations. I can’t always help practically, but I can always pray. I must confess that I’m sometimes tempted to examine the “whys” & “what ifs,” but it profits me nothing, absolutely nothing. Honestly, I can still get quite cranky in my ongoing frustration to find shoes that work for me. I still miss my flip-flops from the old days. I know…it sounds ridiculous. But shoes were fun back then. 😊 Judy went Home in 2019, after living widowed for 11 years. Faithful to the end, she discipled ladies & wrote Bible studies. A few of her original recipes are now 3rd generation in our family. She would be surprised to know that her long ago comment during breakfast is still impacting people today. I have been blessed to watch the Lord use her to direct many into an experiential understanding of Christ-as-Life. We never know when our words will impact another life. I’m eternally grateful that Judy touched mine! Worship with me today. Don Moen, Glorified. The End Times Chronicles is host to “My Heart Undressed,” a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thanks for subscribing to The End Times Chronicles. Your paid subscription helps us advance our non-profit’s mission. Dr. Stephen R. Phinney is dedicated to providing quality media and publications that advance the Life of Christ. Paid subscribers receive free eBooks, media content, and other free stuff.Hey, fellow writers/readers, would you be open to buying me a cup of coffee? Check out this fun way of supporting my writing: https://bmc.link/drphinney
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